Ok, life here, for me anyway, hasn't been the greatest. I'm bored, sad and feel like I have absolutely no value. My kids are moving on in their lives, and I'm realizing I hate my life. Empty nest syndrome? Possibly, lousy marriage? Possibly. I feel like I'm useless. I wake up, do the usual shit everyday, feed the dogs, start coffee for the husband, read the paper, make his lunch (weekdays)and do shit around the house, go to work.
This summer sucks, as most have, nothing exciting to look forward to. Do I want to do this for the next 20 years? Hell no, do I see a way to change this? Nope. Husband and I have nothing in common, I doubt we ever did. He has his coins and flea markets, that takes up allot of his down time. Yet he bitches when I pick up a book, WTF?? I'm tired of being bitched at for something that takes me away from life, if just for a little while. Leave him? Thought about that, many many times through out our marriage, I've never supported myself, I don't have the skills to get a decent job. Would that just give me drama to entertain myself with? Or would it be a solution? I'm tired of having nobody to talk to, to need a hug and having to ask for one, and the response being half-hearted at best. It would be great to have HIM ask me how MY day was, THAT would be nice! I'm tired......so tired of "this".
Some solutions I've come up with;
1. Try to find a decent full time job. It would keep me busy, that's for sure.
2. Look into EMS training- I have, but it's quite the drive from here, and it's till 10 pm. A bit late for the length of the drive.
3. Volunteer, the Fire stations NEED help, nobody here is paid, and the locals are getting way up in age.
Tried the "hobby" thing.......not for me. I can do all sorts of things, but what's the point? I have Jenn's wedding to plan, but again it's "Jenn's" wedding.
I feel so lost, I haven't a clue what to do, and I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself a bit.
P.S. It's not depression, I KNOW what that's like.
Ok I'm done now, thanks for reading.
webs on the web
11 years ago
10 comments:
i can understand alot of what you're saying...my husband does talk to me sometimes, but it seems i always have to start any "communication"....and it rarely continues in to a real conversation...it does get lonely...problem is, he feels the same way. i am sorry you are sad. Again, you are n o t alone.
love,
tracy
what can one say, life is the pitts and then you die, look at the positives.....i sensed a real happy sense when you were with your daughter....you love to read.....you are on abreak from work from work with kids who do cute things....you are very attractive....thousands of others....
Time to relearn YOU my friend... I semi know where you are coming from. kids leaving... I just don't have the husband issue. Have to reinvent you! Time to enjoy breathing baby girl~~ Do what YOU enjoy and be comfy in your own skin... get out and MEET souls that are like yours....
That was good advice from Cheesy. Time to feed your soul. Cause if you are in a good space, his shit isn't gonna bug you half as much.
I am going to a counselor because I am reacting poorly to my father's death. I don't know how someone would react well. But I thought it might be a good idea.
So Maybe you could do some counseling. You cannot change him. But you can change you.
I'm long-time divorced, so I won't give you any relationship tips except that you need to work on the main one. You know that woman you look at every morning, whose hair is just as messed up as yours. If she ain't happy, you aren't happy.
If your husband gripes when he sees you reading, then leave the house. Read at the library. Meet other people who like to read. Take a lunch with you and read in the park. You'll get to meet all sorts of people and their dogs.
I'm sure you'll come up with all kinds of things to do. Just do something, and you will be better off for it.
As for getting a job, if you can file alphabetically, you are ahead of most entry-level workers.
Thanks people! I am feeling a little better, but you people are correct. It's time I find "me". :)
Heck it would give me something to do:)
Hi, Just clicked on your blog link from Pink Warm and Dry, and read this post.
No advice, just a big {{{ HUG }}} and hoping that you will work out the solution which works best for you.
I just went through a relationship breakup, and it's amazing how freeing it was for me, but it took me a long time to get to that point. And it sure is not the right answer for anyone, and YOU are the only one who knows what is the right answer.
You sound like an able person though, I have the fullest confidence that you will find what is best for you,
Karen
Oh Lunch Lady! I wish there were amazing words that could instantly pull things together into a perfect plan of action. You are looking at the perfect time to find yourself. Heck, most of us don't know what we want to do when we grow up. Take the time and find out.
Never doubt for a moment that you matter. You have children who care for you and friends who enjoy hearing from you. Everything else is just a work in progress. Some just take more work than others ;)
Nannyogg- Welcome! and thank you!
Jenelle- :) thanks for the hope and smiles:)
Sorry I'm late here...catching up from being on vacation...
Life can do that to you sometimes...to anyone but I agree with Jenelle about taking the time to find yourself. Find what makes you tick and why you are here in the first place. Dream and don't let anything ever stop you when you are dreaming. The world really is yours.
I can imagine how the empty nest feeling/reality would be hard. But before you were a wife and a mother...you were YOU...find YOU again and I bet the other things will follow suit.
Hang in there and if you ever need to talk...feel free to e-mail me!
Post a Comment